You Have Got To Be Kidding
by torchwood-passion
Summary: After an evening of sex with Ianto, Jack orders him to leave...
1. Chapter 1

As Owen got out of his car, he noticed Ianto still sitting behind the wheel of his car. Walking over to it, he knocked on the window. The Welshman seemed to be oblivious to the knocking.  
"Oi!" said Owen, knocking a little harder. "Tea Boy!"  
Ianto turned his head. His eyes were red rimmed from crying and he looked awful.  
Owen opened the door. "What the hell..."  
The Welshman collapsed over the wheel, unable to keep the tears at bay.  
Owen tapped his com. "Tosh, is Jack in his office?"  
"No!" said Ianto looking up, fear in his eyes. "Not...him!"  
'Yes' replied Tosh. 'Do you want him?'  
The medic frowned at Ianto's reaction. "No, it's okay. Thanks." Owen turned his attention back to the Welshman. "What's wrong, Tea Boy?"  
"It's...it's over!"  
Owen frowned. "What?"  
"Me...and Jack!"  
"You and Jack?"  
Ianto sniffed then nodded.  
"No! You were okay when we all left last night!" He looked over the top of the car at the CCTV camera pointing straight at them. "What happened?"  
A shrug and a shake of the head. "I...don't know."  
"Well, did you sleep with him last night?"  
"Yes."  
"Did you have sex?"  
Ianto blushed. "Yes."  
Owen shook his head, bewildered. "So..."  
"He told me to leave. After we had sex, he said it was over. He didn't want me like that anymore."  
"But he wanted sex, right?"  
The CCTV camera moved, it's lense protruding an inch.  
"Let's get you into the tourist office. I think Harkness might be watching us."  
Ianto wiped at his eyes. "Sorry."  
Owen sighed. "Don't be. It's Harkness who should be sorry!"  
Ianto got out of the car, locked it and walked behind his colleague to the tourist office.  
Once inside, Ianto's shoulders dropped. "How am I going to face him?"  
"The bastard!"  
"I don't know what I've done wrong. I tried phoning him, but he hung up on me. Said not to call him again."  
Owen shook his head. "But you were okay to shag, right?"  
Ianto winced at the word.  
"Sorry, mate."  
"Has he just been using me?"  
"I..." Owen was careful to choose his next sentence. "I thought it was for keeps."  
Ianto sighed. "So did I."  
"Well, you can't stay in here all day. Better to face him and get it over with."  
Ianto knew the medic was right.  
They walked through the concealed door, down to the lift. As the door opened, Ianto's jaw dropped.  
"My thing! He's packed all my things!"  
"Damn that man!" said Owen, punching the 'down' button. "What the hell is wrong with him!"  
"I don't know what I've done!"  
The lift stopped at the bottom and the door opened. Ianto went to pick up his duffle bag.  
"Leave it!" said Owen. "You can pick it up later."  
Ianto looked back at the bag, as he walked down the corridor, through the cog door and into the Hub.  
Tosh was at her workstation and she greeted both men with a warm smile. Gwen was up in Jack's office. The door was closed.  
"She's been up there about ten minutes," Tosh informed them.  
"What's she up too?" said Owen.  
Tosh frowned.  
"Didn't you see the bag in the lift?" asked Owen.  
"Yes, but..." Tosh looked from Owen to Ianto. "Oh, it's yours, Ianto. Sorry."  
Ianto smiled weakly.  
"Jack's ditched 'im!"  
"No!" Tosh looked towards the closed office door.  
"Yeah. The bastard!"  
Ianto stepped from one foot to the other, unsure if he should make the usual round of drinks. He looked towards the kitchenette and moved off.  
There was laughter coming from Jack's office, as Gwen opened the door and walked down the stairs. Ianto glared at her, but she tossed her head and walked to her work station. Jack poked his head out of the door and called down, "Ianto, did you get your things? I left them in the lift."  
Ianto bit the inside of his lip, but said nothing.  
Gwen laughed.  
"Cow!" said Owen, under his breath.  
Jack moved out onto the gantry. "Was that a 'yes'?"  
Ianto didn't turn, just nodded.  
"Good."  
Tosh walked to stand beside Gwen. "What's going on?"  
Gwen just smiled.

TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

Ianto finished making the drinks, placing them on a round, silver tray. He gave Toshiko a camomile tea, Owen coffee and then paused at Gwen's desk. He looked at her bowed head for a free seconds, before banging her cup down on the desk. Gwen didn't look up, just nodded. Next, Ianto walked up the stairs to Jack's office, his legs feeling like jelly. He knocked on the door.  
"Come in."  
The Welshman entered the room, placed the cup on Jack's desk and turned to leave.  
"No hard feelings," said Jack, putting his pen down.  
Ianto stopped in his tracks and half turning, he said, "What?"  
"We had fun, didn't we?" added the immortal, laughing.  
"Fun? Is that all it was to you?"  
Jack stood. "Lighten up, Ianto."  
Ianto laughed nervously. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. I changed my life for you and you call it 'fun'!"  
"Nothing happened that you didn't want to, Ianto. You wanted me, as much as I wanted you. It was just sex."  
"Just sex?"  
Jack frowned, tilting his head a little to one side. "Is there an echo in here?"  
Ianto slammed the door, walked back to the desk and with one swipe of his left arm, almost cleared Jack's desk. "Fuck you, Jack!"  
"I think you already have. Quite a few times, in fact."  
The Welshman moved closer. "You self-centred wanker!"  
Jack raised an eyebrow, then winked cheekily. "Oh, Ianto, I love it when you talk dirty!"  
Ianto's cheeks burned with embarrassment and frustration. "Why are you doing this?"  
Jack sighed. "This conversation is getting tiresome, Ianto." He sat behind his desk again. "You can clear all this up, later." He used his arm to indicate the mess on the floor. "Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do, as do you." Jack picked up a few papers and a pen from the floor.  
Ianto stood there speechless for a few seconds, before walking to the door, opening it and going outside. As he looked down into the Hub, he saw his colleagues watching him. Tosh smiled reassuringly. Gwen looked like the cat who got the cream and Owen just tutted. Not wanting to answer any prying questions, Ianto went straight down to the archives.  
Jack ran a hand through his hair and leaned back, sighing. This was going to he a long day, of that, he was sure.

TWTWTW

Turning on the computer, Ianto pulled out the chair, grabbed the first folder he laid his hands on and opened it. There were over 12 files, all needing to be retyped, catalogued and refiling in a different cabinet. All today. He sighed, getting on with the task in hand.  
He kept busy, trying not to think about Jack. But that, of course, was difficult. He loved and adored Jack. Without him, he was nothing. Just a shell of a man, with no reason to go on.

TWTWTW

Gwen made her way up to Jack's office, standing in the doorway. Jack looked up.  
"Not having a good day, then?" she inquired.  
Understanding what she meant, Jack replied, "He'll adjust."  
"Mmm. How about you?"  
Putting down his pen, the immortal ran a hand over his face. "You know me. I bounce back. It was...interesting. He's a great guy."  
Gwen smiled. "On to 'other' things then, are we?"  
Jack just smiled. "Was there something I can help you with?"  
Gwen went into the office, closing the door.  
This didn't go unnoticed by Toshiko, who frowned. Owen was busy doing an alien autopsy.  
"Cheek!" Announced Tosh.  
Gwen sat opposite Jack. "This isn't going too well, is it?"  
Jack shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
Gwen smiled. "Come on, Jack. You and Ianto. Have you really finished with him?"  
The immortal frowned. "Yeah."  
"Mmm."  
"What?"  
"There's something going on. I'm an ex-copper, remember?"  
Jack laughed. "Yeah, and your mind is working overtime. Now get out of here and do some work!"  
As Gwen exited the office, Tosh and Owen looked up. The Welshwoman just huffed and returned to her workstation.  
'Oww, get her," remarked Owen.  
Gwen scowled. "Grow up, Owen." 

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

At UNIT Headquarters  
"I'm sorry, but it isn't up for discussion, Doctor Jones. Captain Harkness has been warned. His er, relationship with Ianto Jones must come to an end. Today. Without fail! Or there will be consequences."  
Martha Jones walked from the office, slamming the door behind her. "I can't believe they're going to make Jack do that!" she said to the man beside her, "Why? It doesn't make any sense! Ianto would never betray Jack, or Torchwood, for that matter!" The man shrugged. "Obviously UNIT think otherwise. I mean...after what Jones went through at Canary Wharf, they think he could be a liability." He shook his head. "He could blow at any moment..." He sighed. "Besides, it's already in motion."  
Martha frowned. Did they know about Lisa? She hoped not. Jack had confided in her because she was a friend. But had he told her everything? She had to find out for herself, from Jack Harkness.  
"What do you mean, in motion?"  
He just rolled his eyes.  
"A liability? Blow! It's ridiculous! That was months ago!"  
Another shrug. "I'm not so sure."  
"They are both happier than I've ever seen them before." She shook her head. "Ianto will be devastated!"  
"I need to get back to work. See you later?"  
"What? Oh, no," she said, walking towards the door. "I'm going to see Jack."  
"Whatever."

TWTWTW

Jack wondered around, watched by Owen, Tosh and Gwen. He kept looking at the stairs leading to the lower levels of the Hub. The same stairs that lead to the archives...to Ianto.  
"You okay, boss?" asked Owen.  
Jack wheeled around to face the medic, digging his hands deep into his trouser pockets. "Mmm? Yeah, fine. Just fine."  
"Why don't you go down and talk to him," said Tosh, smiling.  
Jack looked at her. 'Always the peace keeper', he thought. "Nothing' to say," he lied, going to the kitchen.  
Tosh followed him. "I don't believe that for a minute."  
"It's over. Move on. I have." He picked up a packet of biscuits, taking them up to his office.  
"Jack!" Protested the Japanese woman.  
The immortal slammed his office door. Once inside, Jack leaned against the door, closing his eyes. Tears welled up in them. Tears of regret? Of frustration? Of anguish? 'Why am I letting them do this to us?' he thought. 'I'm hurting him and it's tearing me apart inside. Tosh knows there's more to it. How long can I go on lying?''  
He settled behind his desk, putting the biscuits in his top drawer.

TWTWTW

Ianto put another completed file into the cabinet and grabbed another one. He was looking at it, but seeing nothing. His mind was still on his last conversation with Jack.  
'It was just sex. Just sex. Just sex. Sex. Sex'  
Putting the file down, the Welshman ran a shaking hand through his hair.  
'I can't believe it's over! We were happy...at least, I thought we were. He was everything I ever wanted. I...loved him. Love him'  
He looked at the file again. It was labelled 'The Valiant'. Opening it up, Ianto began to read.  
The year that never was. The time when Jack disappeared with The Doctor. Ianto sighed aloud. "The Doctor!" He read on. His features changed as he read more.  
'...I was chained up, tortured and killed several times a day, just for The Master's amusement. He laughed. He enjoyed what he did to me. All I could think about was Ianto. Getting back to him. Holding him again. Making love to him. Being made love to by him. God, I miss those beautiful Welsh vowels so much. Will I ever see him again?'  
Ianto wiped at his eyes, then read on...  
'...He sent Gwen, Tosh and Owen away, leaving Ianto in the Hub alone. He was brought to the 'Valiant'. They made me watch...watch as Ianto was given a gun. It contained a single bullet. He had to choose...shot me, or take his own life. I pleaded with him to put the gun against my heart and pull the trigger. He knew I'd come back! I always came back. He chose to shoot himself. They left his body there, just feet from me. I watched his life blood draining from him. They left him there for months, decomposing. A big part of me died with him...'  
It was too much for the Welshman. Closing the file, he exited the archives and went back up the stairs to the Hub.  
Jack left his office and was just by the stairs when Ianto rushed by him and out through the cog door.  
"Ianto!" He called after him.  
The younger man didn't stop. He couldn't. His heart threatened to break. "Ianto, wait!"  
Jack rushed after him, putting his arm in the lift to stop it from entering. "Please...wait!"  
Ianto turned his back on the immortal. Strong arms enveloped his trembling frame, threatening to squeeze the life out of him.  
"Talk to me, please."  
Ianto sucked in a breath. "I...I found a f-file. I read it. It was horrible!"  
Jack turned him slowly, lifting his chin. "Tell me."  
Ianto turned slowly in his arms. " I. Can't." Pulling free, Ianto pushed Jack away and entered the lift. As the doors closed, blue eyes held blue eyes, both filled with unshed tears.  
Jack let him leave.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

As Ianto emerged from the secret door leading into the tourist office, he  
heard a key turning in the lock of the main door. The door to the outside  
opened . Martha Jones appeared.  
"Ianto!"  
He cleared his throat. Pushing past her. "Sorry," he began, as he rushed  
for the door. "Can't stop."  
She watched him hurry along the boardwalk and turn at the steps. Locking  
the door behind her, Martha passed through the secret door, down the stone  
corridors to the lift. As it came to a stop, the doors opened. Jack was  
still standing there, scrubbing a hand cross his face.  
"Martha?"  
"Jack!"  
"Why are you here?" asked the Captain.  
"You and Ianto. What has UNIT got on you?"  
Jack sighed, turned his back and walked towards the cog door.  
"Don't ask."  
"I just saw him. Ianto. He was really upset."  
"Yeah, I know."  
"Jack?"  
Martha followed him into the Hub. Tosh and Gwen looked up from their  
workstations.  
"Jack!"  
Jack glared at Martha Jones. "Let's take this up to my office."  
Owen came up from the autopsy room. "What's Martha Jones doing 'ere?"  
The two woman remained silent.  
Once they were both in the office, Jack shut the door.  
"I want you to stay out of this," Jack told her. "You don't know what  
you're dealing with!"  
" It's UNIT! "  
Jack shook his head. "Its not just them... It...its complicated. Please,  
just leave it alone."  
Martha's eyes narrowed. "You're protecting him."  
Jack sighed. "Yes."  
"From what? Who?"  
Jack just sighed aloud.

TWTWTW

Ianto walked to his car, not sure what to do or where to go next. What  
he'd read in that file, shocked him. Horrified him. Jack wanted him them...needed him. But now, it was like he was a different Jack altogether. One that didn't need him anymore.  
One who didn't...love him? Did he ever love him? Was it as The Captain  
said...just sex? No, he was sure Jack cared for him. He wasn't just a  
vessel for the immortal. A body to warm his bed at night. A plaything.  
Placing his right hand into his inside suit pocket, Ianto pulled out a  
bundle of folded white paper, unfolded it and placed it against the steering wheel, then he opened the door, got out and walked back towards the tourist office.  
Jack was still in the office with Martha as Ianto exited the lift. As he walked toward the main Hub, Jack walked down the stairs from his office, followed by Martha Jones.  
"Ianto!" Exclaimed Jack.  
Ianto strode up to the immortal, looked passed him at Martha, then hit Jack in the face, before walking out again.  
"Ianto!" Called Martha.  
Jack just shook his head.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Jack watched Ianto leave, then bent to pick up the papers, before wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. It came away made to speak, but a look from Owen changed her mind. Martha stormed back up to Jack's office. The immortal sighed aloud, following her. Once inside, Jack walked over to his desk, sitting down behind it. Martha stood by the door, shutting it.

"What is that, Jack?" she asked, pointing the the papers now on the desk.

Jack drew in a deep breath as he himself looked. "What I wrote after coming back from the Valiant."

Martha rolled her eyes. "And you kept it where?"

"In the archives. Deep in the archives. I didn't think he'd find it."

Martha smiled sympathetically. "Its Ianto we're talking about."

Jack smiled in spite of himself. "Yeah."

Martha stepped forward. "Talk to me."

Jack shook his head.

"They think Ianto is a liability. Why? What do they know, Jack?"

Jack stood. "They...Ianto hid his girlfriend in the basement."

"Yes, you told me that. What else, Jack?"

"Yeah. She didn't die at Canary Wharf. Ianto bought her here."

Martha frowned. "I thought she was just injured. He looked after her til she died. Here. In the basement."

"She'd been part converted." Jack told her.

"A Cyberman! Jack!"

"He found this Japanese Professor." Jack walked to the door and turned. "Lisa tried to convert him, and a pizza girl. We got rid of the bodies, after we killed her."

"Did Ianto kill them? Did he love her that much?"

"Yeah, he loved her that much. But Lisa killed them, not Ianto. We all shot her."

She shook her head. "Bet he was pissed at you all."

Jack laughed. "Understatement. I suspended him. Didn't tell UNIT...just you. When he came back, he kept his head down. Worked hard. We grew close. He and I." He looked away. "We...needed each other."

"And now?"

"Someone found out about Lisa. The conversion table he built."

"So he'll leave Torchwood?"

Jack sighed again. "Yes. And Cardiff. He needs to be safe away from Torchwood...from me. I covered it up. Hid behind Torchwood. Jeez! I am Torchwood!"

Martha sighed. "What can I do, Jack?"

"Let me tell ya, UNIT are the least of my problems. Like an itch I need to scratch." Jack shook his head, grimacing. "This goes higher than UNIT."

Martha frowned. "I don't understand. I just came from UNIT. They want you and Ianto apart!" It was her turn to shake her head.

"Yeah, I started that rumour." He admitted.

"What? Who else then, Jack?"

"Ask the Doctor."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Ianto drove back to his flat stunned, his eyes scanning the road ahead. His mood had darkened since hitting Jack, but the immortal deserved it. Deserved it, just like when he hit him for trying to destroy Lisa. Hadn't he brushed the Welshman aside like…like he was nothing to him? Just another notch on his bedpost? Ianto had changed his life to be with Jack. Had opened his heart and soul to him. For what? To be humiliated in front of his team? Martha had been there. He saw the pity in her eyes. He didn't want pity. He wanted Jack.  
Goddamn that man to hell!  
Going straight into his bedroom, Ianto took off his suit jacket, dropping it on the end of the bed. Next, he took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He ran a trembling hand through his hair, closing his eyes. He opened them again, staring at his reflection in the mirror by his dresser. Taking off his shoes, Ianto sat on the edge of the bed. The anger was leaving him, now he felt sadness and regret taking over. Regret? For what, hitting Jack? No! He should have hit him a dozen times. Beat him to the ground. Stamped on his heart. What heart? The man didn't have one, just a block of ice.  
Standing up again, Ianto took off his shirt, trousers and socks, pulled back the duvet and got into bed. Pulling the soft fabric over himself, Ianto brought his knees up to his chest and began to cry softly.  
"Lies," he whispered. "All lies."

TWTWTW

"What do you mean, ask the Doctor?" Inquired Martha.  
Jack stood up, walking over to the window, looking down into the Hub. "It was his idea."  
"His idea? What was his idea, Jack?"  
Jack turned to face her. "Ianto built a conversion table."  
Martha's eyes grew large. "How?"  
"I…don't know. It worked. How did he do it? You think it went unnoticed?" He shook his head. "I wish."  
"But what has the Doctor got to do with it?"  
"He hears things. The TARDIS picks up things."  
"What things, Jack?" Martha was beginning to get annoyed.  
"There's a Planet, ARD35. Its beyond the Milky Way. Thousands of miles beyond. The Doctor heard voices as the TARDIS flew over it. Familiar voices. He went closer. Almost too close. It houses Cybermen. Thousands of them, with two words on their minds…Ianto Jones."  
"But why?"  
"Don't you understand? They want…need him to build more conversion tables. Bigger, better. More powerful!"  
Martha laughed. "But they invented the tables! Why can't they build them?"  
"Ianto is human, humans didn't make the tables, Cybermen did. He incorporated IV's. Monitors. Breathing apparatuses. Things they would never think of." He laughed nervously, frustrated with himself. "Things that could turn humans into part Cybermen…slaves. Hell, they where machines! He kept Lisa here alive for months…undetected! He's not safe here anymore!"  
"But they are out there, in space. They can't get to him!"  
"Yes, they can! Through the Rift! And I can't protect him from an invasion."  
"That's why you're getting him to hate you! You want him to leave you!"  
"Not just me! Leave everything behind!" Jack ran a hand over his face. "He has to believe I don't want him anymore…never really did! I want him away from here. Far away."  
"But…if they know where he is now, won't they follow him?"  
"The Doctor is coming for him."  
"Coming for him?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
"To take him away."  
"To take him where? Jack?"  
"Away with him in the TARDIS."  
Martha frowned. "Where to? How long for?"  
Jack turned to look out of the window again. "As his companion. Forever."  
"Jack! You can't do that to him! Its his decision, not yours!"  
"I'm making it my decision," he spat back. "He is my lover! I want him safe and alive!" He sighed. "Even if I never get to see him again." He added, almost in a whispered tone. "The Doctor will take care of him. Keep him safe. I can't!"  
Martha headed for the door. "I think you're wrong!"  
"Martha, leave it, please!"  
"Jack!"  
He sighed aloud. "The rest of the team don't know."  
"When do you plan on telling them?"  
"When the Doctor arrives. They'll need to bring Ianto back here."  
"Alright," she relented, shaking her head. "But I don't like it. When will the Doctor be here?"  
"Soon." Jack replied, sadly. "In the next few days."

TBC


End file.
